SILENCE IS A KILLER

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I was in my late twenties and felt like my world was out of control. I had other family members making decisions that were not favorable for my parents. Where do I go? Where do I turn? How do I manage this? These were the thoughts I had. I felt like I had more dark days than bright ones. But I didn’t know how to let someone in and talk about it. I tried, but I wouldn’t say I liked the result. My problems were my burden. I couldn’t function and think and did not know how to ask for help. I had gone back to college to study business management by this time. I remember waking up one day and being unable to read a book or paragraph—nothing beyond a few words. I had to drop out of school. I felt defeated, I felt overwhelmed, and I felt hopeless. I needed a friend; I needed deliverance; I needed hope; I needed time off. So once again, I approached my boss and said, “I think I need to leave.” I didn’t want to get sick on the job. It was too much. I took some time off, and I went back to work two weeks later.

I had been with this company for years and still did not have a permanent position. My bosses tried but could not get me a permanent position. I tried for a receptionist position, but I didn’t get it. Finally, one day, my bosses came to me and said, “We are going to have to lay you off.” Lord! Well, they threw me a party on the last day and gave me money. I got my unemployment and was just trying to live or exist, whatever that was. While I was at home, my ex-boss called to offer me work. I had prayed and asked God for the money I needed. When I would tell an agency my salary, they would open their eyes in shock. People would be surprised by how much a data clerk was making.

You see, from the day I went back to church, got filled with the Holy Ghost, and was taught about tithing, I’ve always paid my tithe and gave an offering. People from various agencies thought a data clerk could not make this amount of money. That was the favor of God. Anyway, they decided to gave me an increase after I accepted the position. It felt like a warm wave of sadness had moved from my heart to my belly. I said, “Lord, what was that? What was that wave of sadness that moved from my heart to my stomach?” It was a new and strange experience, and I pondered what had happened. Sophia Mahalia Lyttle

Taken from The Promise Keeper.

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